People with a High Threshold for Pain...

 Image courtesy of Gualberto107/ FreeDigitalPhotos.net

This word I believe I received from the Lord may not touch as big of an audience as my previous posts because it is very specific for certain individuals.  You will know if you relate or not.

During intercessory prayer on August 24, 2013, while in prophetic worship of the Lord, I heard the following:

Some people with a high threshold for pain will tolerate things or people who cause pain entirely too long.  It's an unsanctified form of mercy...patience to endure what I am saying, "Put this away.  Be done with this."

There are aspects of personalities/characteristics/habits which need to be offered to Me in surrender of sacrifice.  You will feel like you are giving something up, but you are actually gaining.  Seek Me for wisdom of how to do this.  Look for open doors of opportunity to give it up.  Speak forth what I give you to say, confident of this:  I will turn it around for good.  Go free and help others do likewise.  Stop enabling behaviors which actually keep others in bondage.  Go free from chains of darkness which have even held some for generations.  Go free My people, go free.

I got a sense that this word is speaking to those of us who put up with things which we feel is the "nice or right" thing to do when it actually is enabling people to continue in wrong behavior.  Sometimes we do this because we are intimidated, or we don't like confrontation, or we just want to "keep the peace" and just don't want to deal with it.  This is man pleasing and displeasing to God, because it just messes up the very things we think we are fixing or helping.  He is specific that it is better to please Him than man, Gal. 1:10.  He also does not want our motivation for action or lack thereof to be determined by fear. We will be gaining freedom and helping them to do likewise, if afterward they will choose to make good decisions and change their own behaviors or accept responsibility for themselves and their actions.

It's interesting that the word, "threshold" means: the point that must be exceeded to begin producing a given effect or result or to elicit a response; a point at which a stimulus is of sufficient intensity to begin to produce an effect; a line determining the limits of an area.  

SEASON OF OVERWHELM

We are currently in a season from the Lord of “overwhelm”.  We are “out there” so far in the deep that we only have two choices at this point:  sink or swim.  Just as the Spirit of the Lord led Jesus into the wilderness to be tempted of the devil, so we too are being tested to see where our hearts are strong and what we still need to surrender to the Lord.  Jesus, of course, passed every test, even though He was weak with hunger and tempted with things which directly impacted His heart.  As He passed each test He was taken to higher levels of temptation.  How did He pass these tests?  He slew His enemy and passed each level of testing with the Sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God.  (Matt. 4).

The Lord sets before us two choices:  life or death, blessing or curses, Deut. 30:19.  He will not overrule our freedom to choose, nor will He force His will, overriding ours.  We make thousands of decisions each day.  For those choices to impact our life correctly, we need to make the right ones, which God clearly says will bring us blessings and life.  To choose independently of the one who is Life and who brings blessings, would be foolish as it would bring curses and death, of which can come in many forms, not just physical death. This sounds so harsh except the reality of this spiritual law is this:  we have a Father who loves us more than we fathom, who is motivated by this indescribable love, and leads us to do those things which will open us up to the blessings He holds in His heart to bestow upon us. But it's still our choice to decide which one we will operate.  We truly don't get that there are only two choices; it's one or the other of which we are operating. 

So how does that amazing love equate to putting us into a season of overwhelm???  Being presented with the two choices stated above, we are now at a time we must choose which way we are going to go.  We must decide on purpose to either:  be overwhelmed with stress, worry, anxiety, fear, dread, rush-rush-hurry-hurry mentality; which all creates frustration and a negative attitude; or be overwhelmed with His goodness for our lives by letting go of all the fear-based things from the list above and press into getting to know Him and His nature of goodness for us.  How do we do that?  Just as Jesus overcame in the wilderness with the Word, we too will overcome this season of overwhelm with getting to know the Word, Jesus, (John 1:1). 

We tend to want to spend time with God and His Word, but we just are too busy to actually do it.  Once you decide you are going to take the plunge and take time from your busy schedule to make space for God and you, I can predict some things will probably occur with your effort to do this: 

1.  You will have to seek the Lord about what is the best time for you in your life circumstances to spend that time with God.

2.  You will be challenged to keep that time with God. 

3.  If you are able to keep it, you will have a hard time focusing or feeling like you are in His presence. 

4.  You will succeed in the above if you are determined that NO MATTER WHAT, you won’t give up but will keep pressing in. 

5.  As you keep pressing, you will begin to catch the wave of His Spirit, learning more of Him each day, learning how to flow with Him in His will for your life; where and how He leads you. 

6. As you flow with His Spirit, the Kingdom of God will manifest in your life which is:  righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, Romans 14:17. 

7.  As the fruit of the Kingdom manifests in your life, you will learn how to cast cares upon God along with all of the fear those burdens bring which try to overwhelm you.

8.  You will then be overwhelmed with His goodness of: peace, joy, open doors, closed doors, provision, miracles, divine connections, timing, wisdom, abundant life, and the pressures of this life will not succeed in stealing your joy and peace.  Even if the storms are enormous and you may have uneasiness because of them, you can still know deep in your gut that your Father has His hand on you.  You will know He is guiding you, helping you navigate the storms to come out on the other side with even more than you would have had, had the storms not occurred.  He works ALL things out TOGETHER for our good because we love Him and are called according to His purpose, (Rom. 8:28).

Looking at our peace lily this morning I realized that it finally bloomed after changing my watering habits.  Instead of just maybe once a week, I water a bit everyday now.  It hasn't bloomed in a very long time.  Now it has five blooms; 5=the number of grace!

God drove home His point with a dream I had last week which has been a reoccurring dream for years.  The specifics change but not the overall message each time I have these dreams.  Interpretation is in ( )’s.  I was in college, (higher learning opportunities in the Lord) and trying to find my dorm room, (the place or season where we are “living” right now.)  I found my room and it was large.  Usually the rooms in the previous dreams are small and cluttered.  (This room being large symbolizes more opportunity in this particular season.)  The room was entirely the color of red from the painted ceilings and walls to the carpeted floors and furniture.  The walls had murals of people who seemed happy but it still felt very overwhelming to be around so much red.  It made me feel completely over-stimulated and anxious and I knew I had to change that immediately to something more soothing and calm.  (Nuff said)  Immediately after that decision to obtain a peaceful living environment, I found myself with a man who I knew very well, intimately, who seemed like my husband yet also comrade, friend, etc., (Jesus.)  There was a dance contest that a group of us in the college were getting ready to go participate in and everyone needed time to practice.  My partner and I just started flowing in our dance routine.  I didn’t even need to know what He was going to do next, I could just follow him, (trusting the Lord and letting Him lead us step by step.)  At one point, however, I did attempt to lead which threw us off and out of step.  Discerning what happened, I immediately exclaimed, “Oh dear, I just tried to lead.”  I got right back in line with him as the lead, which caused us to glide and flow effortlessly together all over the dorm.  It was a fun and magnificent dance to which others watching were in awe.  (When we try to lead, it will throw things off in our life and we need to be quick to repent, calling out what we did and immediately turn away from it.  This puts us right back in line with His perfect will for us and our life will flow in peace and joy again.)  It was time for the contest and somehow I got separated from my partner.  This is also a recurrent part of dreams in the past whereby at this point I usually am panicking and not able to find him.  I feel stress, loss, and fear that I won’t find him and will miss out on what I am supposed to be doing/receiving.  However, this time I chose to react differently than all the times in the past.  I chose to believe that we would meet up on the stage as we both knew where to go.  I chose to decide that if something went differently than what I thought, then that was ok.  He now has me in a place where I trust Him and that all will go according to His plan since I am yielded to Him anyway.

If we look at our plans and what we actually get accomplished of those plans, we will feel a sense of loss and like we are always fighting time.  We will bear fruit of worry, anxiety, fear, dread, frustration and foreboding.  If we surrender our lives/day to the Lord and look at what He is ordering for our day and our steps, we will sense a feeling of gratitude for how He is using us and accomplishing His purposes for our lives.  We will bear fruit of peace and joy.  We will know which decision we made by the fruit we bear.  If we have cast the care, we will be able to say to the care, “I don’t care,” and to the circumstances, “Oh well…this is how God wants it or it would have turned out differently.”

Just today, I had much on my plate of VERY IMPORTANT things I HAD TO ACCOMPLISH by a certain deadline…when the Lord interrupted MY plans and told me to write this blog.  I must consider and choose to believe all our times are in His hands, all in due time, He is sovereign and goes before us ordering our steps, it’s ok for us to plan but the end result is in His hands.

After finishing this blog my husband informed me that he awoke from a dream this morning.  I didn’t tell him what this blog was about or even that I was writing it.  In his dream he was with a large group of people.  He found himself with all of them in a vast, dark basement that was open at the top as if the foundation had just been poured.  The walls were high, creating a deep foundation.  Everyone was following him and he felt fear that he led them to an empty hole.  The Lord spoke over him in his dream, “Just tell them to be at peace.” 

We can feel like we have dug ourselves into deep pits of problems, but God is saying in the midst of it all, let peace be your strong foundation of which He is building something wonderful!

Out of the mouth of two or three witness every fact is confirmed: Peace, be still and know that I am God, Psalm 46:10.

STRIPPED

IMAGE CREATED BY GLORY PHOTOGRAPHY

One of the home improvement jobs I hate the most but which seems to generate the most dramatic difference is that of stripping off ugly, dirty, outdated wall paper and painting a fresh new coat of color to warm or brighten up a room.  It completely transforms an area, making it a desirable space in which to live.  All my stripping projects have been awful but some were beyond awful; just absolutely wretched!  One such job I became completely exasperated with was the entry way of our house.  I didn’t like what I saw and wanted people to have a positive first impression upon entering our home.  I had a vision for the finished product knowing it was going to require some hard work, effort and patience to obtain.  As I began the work, I instantly realized it was not going the way I thought it would and I began to question if I would be able to endure this project after all.  I wondered if I would ever get through the resistive process of those tiny pieces of stubborn paper barely surrendering to my touch and coaxing. In spite of pleading with that obstinate paper, it remained a painstaking process of removal.  I was just going to have to commit to see it through to the end no matter how long or how horrible the job, because once the project was begun, there was no turning back.  I somehow found the endurance to persevere and just keep chipping, scraping, pealing, groaning, sighing and complaining until the job was complete and revealed what was beneath all that effort; a blank canvas with which I could start over.  I now had the opportunity to clothe those bare walls with such a striking makeover that upon entering the front door people would remark with exclamation of the beautiful transformation which had occurred. 

When God is dealing with us in a similar manner of stripping us, scraping away at what must go so He can expose and transform a glorious work in us, it feels like we are in trouble; like we aren’t doing enough or the right thing to get rid of an unwanted circumstance; or we’ve somehow sinned and have not made enough restitution or repentance.  It causes us to fear we might give up, yet we fight to hold on.  We feel guilty because of the ongoing tug of war between faith in our good God and the doubt that tries to creep in and sabotage that faith.  We may feel very vulnerable, exposed, weak, uncertain, ashamed, awkward, and even withdrawn.  We may succumb to anger and lash out at the God who seems to have turned a deaf ear toward us.  It seems like He is no where in proximity of us or our circumstances. The heavens seem like brass as our cries for help or relief seem to go unanswered. This is the familiar nightmare playing itself out which so many of us have.  In this, which seems like the reoccurring dream so many of us have, we feel as if we are walking around naked when everyone else is dressed. This spiritual stripping can be completely frustrating, exasperating, and disenchanting. 

The first nakedness we see in the Bible is with Adam and Eve.  They were naked and there was nothing awkward or uncomfortable about it all, not because they were exhibitionists, but because they were clothed in the glory of God.  There was no knowledge of life any other way.  When one is fully clothed in the pure glory of God it causes there to be no fear or shame or anything else objectionable, Genesis 2:25.  This glorious state was so amazing that Adam and Eve walked in absolute peace.  They walked with God in perfect fellowship.  Their Father who created them, gave them the enjoyable task of being fruitful and multiplying, demonstrating that He had nothing but good success in His plan for His precious children’s lives.  Despite the fact they had perfect paradise on Earth, however, they chose to believe the lie of the slithery serpent, thereby opening themselves up to knowledge of things of which God wanted to spare them. Genesis 2:17-But you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.  Hence, the state we are now all born; having dreadful things ingrained into the fabric our nature which causes separation from a most Holy God. 

Genesis 3:7 And the eyes of them both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together, and made themselves aprons.

Out of fear and shame over their own choice to be stripped of the glory of God, Adam and his wife now had to find a way to cover themselves.  They soon found out as do we all that when we try to “cover” ourselves, our foolish attempts are insufficient because our work apart from God is useless and in vain,  John 15:5, Psalm 127:1.

Genesis 3:21-Unto Adam also and to his wife did the Lord God make coats of skins, and clothed them.

God, in the beauty of His love for us, finds a way to properly cover us.  However, a sacrifice must be made, so we see record of the first death in the Bible.   The death of animals was necessary, as their coats were needed to clothe man.  This is a picture of a far better sacrifice we would have in Jesus, whose body was given to save and cover us.

Since God is the source of Life and wants His family back, He has found a way to reverse the curse and recover our relationship with Him. This is a painful process, however, as it involves death.  First, it involved the death of Jesus so that through Him we could be saved through accepting His sacrifice in taking our place as we could never accomplish what He alone was able.  He therefore, becomes our all sufficient covering.  The second death is our own as we lay down our life in full surrender to Him as our Lord and permit Him to strip us of every hindrance that would impede His perfection working in our lives.  John 3:30-He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less.

Just as Adam and Eve could not sufficiently clothe themselves for what they would encounter in a newly fallen world, neither can we of our own nature be equipped to handle what is necessary to be fruitful and multiply in this life.  Although He has clothed us with His righteousness in saving us from spiritual death and we will live forever with Him, there is still death that needs to occur.  This comes in the form of stripping…stripping us of what has to go from our human nature in order to advance in the nature He has placed inside of us upon our salvation.  There is no magic button to push when we get saved that automatically transforms us into a perfect Christian.  That’s why we still sin, although the new spirit within us doesn’t want to any longer.  The tug of war within ourselves begins as our soul and body which needs to be renewed and transformed wages constant conflict with our new spirit man.  The part which must die tries desperately to stay in control and alive yet well knowing it is being crucified and will eventually surrender to death, Romans 12:2, John 12:24.
 

Just as John 1 tells us, Jesus was the Word and was with God, and then became flesh, so does that same Word work in us.  It starts to mold us from the inside, then manifests in our flesh, becoming apparent on the outside that God is cultivating a new person in us.  It’s no wonder then that our fleshly ways must be revealed; stripped of what is keeping them veiled and holding us back from God’s purposes and wonderful plans for our lives.  This is a divine process which if we will surrender as a holy sacrifice to the Lord whatever  He chooses to reveal, and ask Him to crucify or strip it away, it will wield a magnificent transformation in us whereby we will then more reflect the nature of the Lord.

God in His wisdom knows that we will attempt to clothe ourselves in our own ability, education, doctrines, pride, careers, past life experiences, etc.; hence the need for the day to come when we will be stripped of what we have come to rely on consciously or subconsciously.  Although it feels absolutely terrible to our exposed “flesh”, in the genius of a good and loving God, it is actually a mark upon His sons and daughters of excellence.

When we are going through this refining, stripping process, we are actually in good company, being in the ranks of others who possessed excellent spirits and were stripped: Joseph, Joshua and Caleb, Moses, Paul, David, Daniel to name just a few. If we will yield to the process of being stripped, the outcome will far outweigh the pain, suffering or eradication of what we gave up.  Paul said, “Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ,” Philippians 3:8.   

Joseph was stripped of his beautiful coat of favor his father gave him, Gen 37:23.  He was plunged into a pit of bondage, forsaken by his family yet it was all a proving ground; proving God was with him and causing others to finally be able to receive what God wanted to pour out through His refined vessel, Joseph. 

Joshua and Caleb had to wander around in the desert for forty years with a bunch of gripey, ungrateful idolaters who because of their continual bad choices and refusal to trust in God, they did not get to enter the promises God had awaiting them.  However, Joshua and Caleb riveted their focus on their amazing God, refusing to gaze on the problems.  God therefore caused them to possess an excellent spirit through the trials of the wilderness so they were prepared and therefore able to enter into the Promised Land.

Others mentioned above had their education, lifestyles, positions, provisions, security, capabilities, families, homes, etc. stripped from them in order that they could eventually be built back up by the Lord with nothing but success awaiting them.  They were able to fulfill the calls on their lives and rejoice in God taking the time to turn their circumstances around for their good, re-clothing them in His finest apparel. 

I would be remiss to not mention our Lord Jesus, who allowed Himself to be stripped of His omniscience, omnipotence, and omnipresence in order that He could be contained in an Earthly body instead of His spiritual one.  For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sake he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich,  2 Corinthians 8:9.

We need to resist the temptation to be the child in the backseat asking, “Are we there yet?”  It’s going to feel longer than we want because we are impatient by nature and as God told me a few Sundays ago during worship at church, “It takes time for Me to produce fine wine.”  When we ask how much longer we are going to have to endure this; we intuitively already know the answer, “As long as it takes.” This may not seem like an answer at all in the midst of our torment, but if we will do our best to surrender to God, letting Him have His way in this stripping, trying to maintain a grateful attitude in understanding that it will be for our good and Kingdom purpose, it will help us endure.  We can be honest with the Lord, going to Him about our discomfort, frustration, even anger because He is touched with the feelings of what it’s like to be human, Hebrews 4:15.  We can ask Him for His help and grace to endure what we must and that although we don’t like this stripping wilderness process, we trust Him.  In this, we will have a different attitude than the children of Israel who complained, and turned their backs on the Lord in their distrust of Him.  In our endurance, we will reap a harvest, thereby returning to the garden of Paradise unashamed, at peace, fruitful and in perfect fellowship with our Father.

Just as Adam and Eve were to multiply, we are to conceive by the Lord and give birth to what He is causing to emerge in and through us.  When a woman is near the end of her pregnancy and the doctor feels she has been pregnant long enough they may perform a procedure called “stripping the membranes”.  This is a process to separate the amniotic sac which holds and protects the baby, from the wall of the uterus which was the place of growth and nurturing.  It is to hopefully start labor to bring forth the baby.  In an article by Journal of Midwifery & Women's Health 2009;54(3):259-260, Posted on Medscape Today News this revealing statement is made:

“Sometimes, at the end of pregnancy, it seems the pregnancy will never end -- we can all become impatient and wish we could make labor begin; membrane stripping may cause you to lose sleep and be uncomfortable in the days before your labor starts -- the best way to get ready for your infant and for labor is to remain as rested as possible.”

There will come a time which He knows best to begin the process of stripping.  This is a mark of maturity in that you are now ready to come forth and no longer need to be hidden away and protected as an unborn baby.  He wants you to make your appearance in the world and launch the call for why He placed you here. This process can happen several times in our lives, however, as He continues to stretch and increase us.  In His love and mercy, He will clothe us with far better than what He had to strip off, giving birth to a new us which now looks more like Him with each step of the process

The stripping/refining process seems to expose, yet He clothes.  In the stripping process we trade our shoddy wardrobe for what is in His holy closet:

Strength and dignity-Proverbs 31:25

Love-Colossians 3:14

Salvation and Righteousness-Isaiah 61:10

Praise-Isaiah 61:3

Compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience-Colossians 3:12

Christ-Galatians 3:27-No better garment!

1 Peter 5:10 But the God of all grace, who has called us to his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that you have suffered a while, make you perfect, establish, strengthen, settle you.

Ezekial 16:8 When I passed by you again and looked upon you, indeed your time was the time of love; so I spread My wing over you and covered your nakedness.  Yes, I swore an oath to you and entered into a covenant with you, and you became Mine,” says the Lord God.

CHANGED- A Daughter's Account of a Father's Transformation from Alcoholism

One day last week, my husband felt compelled to show me a Rascal Flatts video, "Changed".  In his knowing me and my past so well, he also felt compelled to tell me I would probably cry in my relating to the little girl in the video and her life with her alcoholic father.  He was right.  I stood captivated, yet wanting to look away at the same time.  It brought memories like a flood of a little girl’s misunderstandings, thinking my father was always sleepy; anger at a mother who seemed to be yelling all the time just because he wasn't feeling well; isolation in not being allowed to have friends over or go to their homes, thereby resulting in stunted emotional and social development; mountains of fear over feeling like I was always on a slippery slope, not ever knowing what the day would bring but feeling a sense of dread and oppression with each new day; longing for a sense of safety which I just was not quite able to apprehend; and the sense of shame in the secret we tried so hard as a family to hide which would ultimately be exposed. 

My worst nightmare came true as a fifth grader when, to my complete devastation, my father stumbled into my classroom one evening while our class was awaiting our turn to go on stage for a Christmas music program.  The room fell silent as all horrified eyes watched to see which child this man was making his way to.  My eyes fell downward as I silently prayed he would not complete his trip to my desk.  Unfortunately, although he was swerving, he headed straight to me, plopping down on my desk as he slurred out words the specifics of which I don’t recall but which the boisterous volume stayed etched in my mind.  I wanted someone to please come rescue me, but even my teacher was intimidated and at a loss for what to do.  As if the event could not get any worse in my little mind; it did escalate into something that I would not live down for the remainder of my elementary days and which rooted an insecurity and shame in me in which only the Lord Himself would be able to deliver and heal.  As if in slow motion, my father leaned forward to whisper something into my ear and ended up nibbling on my earlobe.  I’m sure in his drunken state, he thought he was delivering a daddy's kiss, yet the reality of which was absolutely inappropriate. Crushing devastation ravaged my heart, bringing such grief, I felt I might die.

I don’t remember a lot of what happened after that.  I’m sure my teacher somehow encouraged him to go wait out with the rest of the parents while we marched out on stage to the delight of parents and their cameras.  I probably was able to sing, although I’m likewise certain my countenance was fallen; failing to depict the typical cheer of the holiday season.

The next morning, I remember going into my parents’ master bath where my father was shaving.  I always felt a sense of hypnotic intrique as the blade would glide over his face, swiping away perfect lines of white foam, leaving baby smooth skin in its wake.  I loved the scratchy scraping sound as the blade would encounter his rough beard, while he held his face in a precarious position that would make me giggle.  This time was different than the lighthearted previous mornings; yet in a gentle way, I gazed at him with eyes of compassion as he looked down with the same shame I had felt the night before.  He set his razor down, and with a wavering voice, in humiliation, he quietly whispered, “Honey, I’m so sorry.”  In wisdom beyond my ten years on Earth, I felt the necessity to forgive him and let him know I loved him anyway.  

Picture used with permission but which is not a picture of my father or me.

I’m not sure how many more times my father drank after that or if that was the “hitting bottom” moment alcoholics need to reach before they have finally had enough and want to get help to stop the self destruction and the havoc they are wrecking on their loved ones, and themselves, but I do remember as a ten year old, that my father decided to stop drinking and began the difficult task of recovering his life and restoring his family.  I know he had to have a humbled posture before the Lord, where he “hit his knees”, surrendering under the Lordship and healing ministry of the one who understands and loves my dad perfectly.  Dad, like all of us, had to come to the place where he KNEW he could no longer continue in his own worthless strength and that he had to move himself out of his epic fail as the one in control.

Thankfully, Dad had the God given fortitude to overcome the addiction to alcohol and escape the prison which that lifestyle had brought into his life and ours.  He was successful in rebuilding his life through the grace of the Lord.  I grew up and so did my dad.  As a young woman, I got to experience a rewarding relationship with my father.  I watched the transformation which only Jesus can give as He delivered my father step-by-step, teaching him wisdom along the way of which I eventually got to partake.  I got to witness that he was not the same man as the one who caused so much pain in my childhood.  The wonderful thing about when Jesus brings restoration is that with the healing, comes a refreshing forgetfulness of the past.  It just melts away, only leaving behind a sense of victory and no longer victimization.  It grows you into a person who understands that life circumstances contributed to the individual you are today.  It gives a sense of purpose whereby you are equipped and can freely give to others to help them out of despairing circumstances.  

I can say that although my father was not a walking Bible, he leaned on the Lord and walked in peace.  When life’s tragedies would strike, Dad would speak the same encouraging words to me, “Keep looking up” and “Keep on keepin’ on.”  Those simple phrases coupled with the strength of the Lord I could feel behind them, were all I needed at times to motivate me to keep going when I felt like I could no longer continue.

My father has gone home to be with the Lord.  My time with him in the beauty of our father-daughter relationship fell far too short.  During some of our final moments together, he bared his soul, again sorrowful for the father he had been, wishing he could take back the harm he caused.  In the grace of our Lord, I was able to reassure him that he is a wonderful father and I am honored and grateful to be his daughter.  I wouldn’t want to be anyone else’s child. Like the daughter in the Rascal Flatt’s video at the beginning of this blog, I was able to peal off the lies, which were no longer a part of his life.  That man was gone forever.  The neglect was gone forever.  The lies were gone forever.  The selfishness was gone forever.  The Lord in His mercy reached down and rescued my father and his family; no longer to be drowning in the deluge of destruction, but instead submerged in full surrender to the one who is All Sufficient!

The true person my father is, and I say “is” because he continues on forever with the Lord; is one who blessed people with his kind, sweet spirit.  He was gentle, yet I felt strength emanating from him.  He was humble yet confident in whom he was in Christ.  He imparted wisdom without seeming like he was forcing it so it was welcomed by all who sought it from him.  He smiled easily and his eyes twinkled with the joy of the Lord.  His hands were warm with a healing touch, bringing comfort whenever he would lovingly embrace me.  He was patient and a great listener, so I always felt safe, knowing he wasn’t judging me.  I love him with all my heart and feel fortunate he was my Earthly father.

I am certainly grateful that I know he was born again and that someday I will join him in perfection to be together forever.  My own journey to overcome what was imparted to me through such a troubled childhood has not been easy, but one for which I can honestly say that I’m OK with it.  It has brought me much treasure which I can help others with in this difficult and troublesome world.

I am grateful to Jesus, for transforming those of us who will receive Him, into His image. I may not be perfected yet, but I am on my way as the Lord continues to deal with and work with me.  I am grateful to be in the ranks with my father, who can declare, “I’m changed.”

Rejoice in the Lord always, again I say, rejoice!

Sometimes, when you hear those words, does it make you feel a bit worse …maybe just a little?  When our circumstances are not going the way we want and it seems like at the very core of our being, something is just missing, it can give us the sense that we are grieving or mourning over something that feels like loss.  I have been battling with this myself with a weight that feels heavier on my heart than the most cumbersome of pounds I have ever lifted in the gym.

The Lord promises to be near those who are hurting and right now I am hurting.  I can’t say I’m surprised at my pain, however.  I was fully warned by God this was coming.  In His graciousness, God will often prepare our hearts of a coming storm, test, trial.  He does this out of love because a heart prepared has time to get built up in Him so that we may face the storm head on and not shrink back in fear as we tend to do when we are confronted with the unknown.  I must admit though, I almost always feel that immediate, “Oh no…I don’t want to do this…” feeling of dread when the Lord opens up an obscurity to the future for me to see.  I know I have to quickly adjust and realize dread is a form of fear and is therefore not from Him.  Dread or fear can not be a part of what God is trying to do in showing us the future or we will not prosper in the very thing He is trying to accomplish in our lives.

This latest journey which has exposed my weakness yet revealed His strength in us has been quite a trial which truly began when I met the man I know was a gift from the Lord.  For the entire time I have known my precious husband I have seen a man of God who truly has a heart to hear from God in a powerful way and who has longed to be humbled under His mighty hand.  I have witnessed this man tolerate deplorable working conditions created by a spirit of intimidation, bullying, and abusive criticism.  Kurt would just man up and refuse to let it defeat him, but as the day after day assaults continued, it was taking a toll.  I sensed the Lord was saying, “Thus far and no more.”  What impacts my husband does me as well, and as a couple being one in the Lord, we sought the Lord earnestly for clarification.  We believed we were seeing the Lord working a new beginning in our lives and He was moving us on.  Grace is sufficient to maintain us in difficult, trying times, but when God says, “You are finished here,” yet we stay in that place, we are choosing to camp where God is no longer sustaining us.  Just as in the days of the wilderness with the children of Israel, He led them with His glory, physically seen in a cloud by day and fire by night.  They could clearly see when He camped in a place and when He was ready to advance.  If they stayed once He began to move, they would be doing so without the Lord’s leading any longer.  God forbid we do that regardless of how difficult the move.

With a sense we truly were finished in that place of bondage and that if we were willing to take a huge risk, the Lord would actually lead us out of our “Egypt” into freedom, we chose to dive off the cliff of faith and trust God.  Upon that decision, one day while we were worshiping the Lord together, I saw a vision that was staged like a Wile E. Coyote and Roadrunner cartoon.  From my vantage point, I could see a cliff ahead of me which looked just like the ones the coyote would dart towards only to find himself suspended in mid air realizing he had gone too far.  I could then see a cartoon caricature of Kurt and me.  We were smiling as we gazed at each other with confident looks which fearlessly stated, “Let’s do this!”  We began to run, hand in hand, toward the cliff’s edge.  Just like the unfortunate Wile E., however, we too found ourselves off the security of the ground and suspended in mid air.  Our beaming changed to expressions of wide eyed surprise as we realized in the vision that we had now gone past the point where we could turn back.  Just like that coyote that drops to the depths of what lies below, we were hurled downward, out of my view.  (Interesting that “wile” means to manipulate and do what you want; your will.  In jumping off the cliff, we were making the statement, “Not our (wile) will, but Yours, Lord.” ) I was now looking at the cliff’s edge as when the vision began.  I felt that familiar sense of dread at the realization this vision was telling me that we were going to experience some difficult times in this test of faith that would make us question if we have made the right decision.  As quickly as those fearful thoughts flashed through my mind, so came quickly the next scene in the vision.  Instead of just a vacant cliff’s edge, I could now see the tops of both of our heads; smiles illuminating our cartoon faces.  Then I could see our torsos, then our complete beings.  To my delight, as I watched the vision draw to a close I saw how we were being lifted up.  We were both securely standing in the palm of a mighty hand; balanced to perfection.  I knew it was the magnificent hand of God who not only was lifting us up into a new realm of freedom, but which had sustained us in our fall all along.  I couldn’t witness this rescue, safety, preservation, with my limited viewpoint of what was going on, but I knew in my heart that God would not only take care of us but would transform us in the process.  All He was asking is that we jump and trust Him.  I knew He was letting us know there would come a time after the launch by faith, that we would hit hard times and wonder, “What have we done!”  Just like the vision, however, I KNOW that God has, will and will continue to sustain and provide.

Has everything been great since we launched?  No.  It has been difficult, but we have not had to give up anything of true value.  We have had some miracles of provision, such as money coming out of unexpected sources.  In our efforts to downsize, we have actually had some very powerful times in the Lord.  One such night when trying to navigate the cableless TV, out of our frustration at not being able to find anything we liked to watch, we settled for the movie, “One Night with the King.”  Sensing that movie had a few things which were not actually scriptural but perhaps had a bit of liberty taken, we both had a great desire to read the entire book of Ester.  Although we believe some minor points in the movie were corrected through our study, something of much more value occurred.  We had a wonderland of revelation open up to us as the Holy Spirit poured over us showing us mysteries written into that book of the Bible.  We could see truths about God and His nature of Love, authority, and much more than we had known before.  Both Kurt and I wanted to keep reading and communing with the Lord as our Revealer of mysteries and our hearts soared to a heightened joy in the Lord.  Nothing like a good book before bedtime to give you sweet dreams!

I believe in reality, we are at the point in the vision where I saw the heads of us both.  We are receiving revelation, a new mindset, speaking forth God’s word and believing that He will perform His word.  There are things about our memories, emotions, prior experiences of which we still need to be healed.  Healing, deliverance, growth and training occur from glory to glory, line upon line, precept upon precept.  It’s an ongoing process, but one which if we will yield and endure it, we will be perfect and entire, lacking nothing.  James 1:4

There are relationships and circumstances which we believe God has shown are not to hold us in this place.  We are observing God breaking the ties so that in His timing we will be able to move on to the next phase.  However, in the waiting for God to open the doors that no man can close and close the doors that no man can open, comes the temptation to be frustrated.  Frustration is a sign we are operating in pride, outside of the trust we should hold in the Lord to be the Keeper of all our times.  As grief over missing my family in Missouri mingles with the frustration of waiting to move there, I am trying to hold onto rejoicing in the moments of each gift of a day God has given us.  Some days, it is just a faith confession to be joyful, as my emotions are not lining up in agreement to what my heart knows is best.  Ultimately, I know that I would not want to be anywhere at anytime without the leading of the glory of the Lord going before me, no matter how much my emotions express their will. So we wait; working leads in every direction to allow the Lord to open the doors of the opportunity He wants us to take hold of.  I CHOOSE to rejoice in the Lord even when it is a sacrifice of praise; when it’s not easy to do.  I know He is close to those who are hurting, and He understands our weaknesses, being touched by our humanness. Hebrews 4:15

Be blessed!

3-25-13 Woo Hoo!  This post was initially written Saturday, March 23rd.  Today, while my sweet hubby was making us a delicious brunch with eggs, he looked at the egg carton and across the top is said,  "This is the Day which the Lord has made; Let us rejoice and be glad in it.  Psalms 118:24"

It's so reassuring how the Lord takes time to confirm the Words He is speaking to our hearts.  This truly is the time we are in; it's a time to rejoice in the Lord regardless of our situations.  This honors the Lord when even though we are not happy with our circumstances we can still find the deep inner joy in who our God is!

After posting this egg carton image just now, a phone call happened in which our Rainbow Vacuum cleaner that we had advertized on Craig's List sold, giving us the money we needed to pay bills this week which we were just looking over and needed Him to move on our behalf!  It sold to a Christian couple we've never met who saw the ad, prayed about it and felt the Lord wanted them to buy it.  The amazing thing is how this all played out and the timing of it all.  I initially placed the ad a couple of months ago, but unbeknownst to me, it had expired.  A friend inquired as to what we were selling if for which caused me to look at the ad, thereby discovering it had expired and was no longer posted.  I reposted the ad and within minutes, we got a call of inquiry from the couple who bought it today.  The Lord truly is our Provider and Source.