K.I.S.S.

One day in 1996, going about my daily routine yet interrupting my thoughts, was a gentle whisper of the word, “KISS.” I just kept hearing the word, “KISS”, resonating over and over in my heart. I would see it as a banner in my mind.  Although it was softly spoken, it was loud enough to get my attention although not audible.  I have never heard the audible voice of God while awake, just in "night visions" as the Bible calls them.  We call them dreams.

I was on a new journey and the uncertainty of each new step was a test of my faith and willingness to take risks.  This was a road I started to walk when I was in High School, but one in which I allowed myself to get distracted and ultimately derailed while in college.  In fact, although I loved God and thoroughly enjoyed learning His Word at youth bible studies and camps, it only took two weeks at a liberal, private college to become totally absorbed in the party scene and forget the building blocks of the new composition which was my life.  In college, I was exposed to things never to that degree before and it was thrilling!  I didn’t see it as destructive on the surface, but truly, I must admit, deep down in that very quiet place of my spirit, I KNEW it was wrong.  But I just didn’t care because it FELT good, and I seemed to be a part of something typical and certainly acceptable.  Having come from a dysfunctional family which resulted in social awkwardness and extreme low self esteem, this explosive new attention was a stroke to my damaged self concept. I was constantly asked out on dates and was nicknamed, “Date Queen” by some of my sorority sisters.  Of course, alcohol was always involved with the express purpose of lowering inhibitions, and I found myself doing something I said I would NEVER do…partake of alcohol and get drunk.  I grew up with the damage indulgence of alcohol caused and never wanted to give it an inroad into my own life.  However, once in college, I abandoned my rescue and didn’t pursue God and His Word again until much later and after much destruction resultant from bad decisions I made.

Having had enough of what I caused being my own “lord” and having made the excellent choice to hand over the reins to my life, I was now at a new point in my life, a fresh start, forgiven and picking up where I left off.  This gave me a child-like faith, trusting in the One who knows me more intimately than the best lover, I was now thrilled with the new experiences I was having in Him.  These beautiful experiences in Him did not offend my mind and body but instead succeeded in making me stronger and victorious, not weaker and defeated as my independent choices had done. I now knew enough even from this baby stage of my new journey that I needed to take heed to the constant quickening that kept whispering, “KISS”.  It was important enough to Him to interrupt my thought life with a continual tap on my mind, “KISS.”  It was time to seek wisdom from the One who is WISDOM.  What was my Lord trying to say to me?  What does KISS mean?

I began asking Him to show me.  Teach me Your Ways Lord.  Make me sensitive to Your sweet Spirit.  What do You want me to understand in this experience of hearing You say, “KISS?” 

I knew enough of the Word and had enough common sense to know that if we want something, we need to ask.  I wanted to know what He was really saying to me so I asked.  I then thoroughly expected to hear the answer as easily as I was hearing what started this quest…yet nothing happened.  I asked again, waited, nothing.  I kept asking.  In my puzzlement, I reflected back and thought I had heard someone once say that the “Ask and you will receive” scripture meant to keep asking until you get the answer; so I kept asking…and asking…hearing nothing!  Now I found myself getting a bit annoyed and wondered why the Lord would tease me this way by His repeated whisperings. I passed the stage of annoyance and quickly excelled into full blown frustration, yet I continued to hear, “KISS.”  The tone of the “KISS” I was hearing was still sweet to my soul and I knew I needed to calm my emotions of the anxiety of feeling I was going to “miss” God.  After all, I reasoned that God had good rationale for this action, which I knew was motivated by love.  I gave myself an attitude adjustment through worship of the One who is always worthy of it regardless of what we are going through at the moment.  I asked again, and didn’t hear anything deep in my gut, the heart of where we hear God’s voice, nor did I have any impression of any kind on my heart.  I decided I’d just take matters into my own hands and use what I’ve got at my disposal.  Spread out on the floor before me was my Webster’s Dictionary, thesaurus, Bibles with cross references, concordances to get exact meanings of words in Hebrew and Greek and other various tools.  I got out a notebook I decided to use to begin chronicling my experiences on this new journey and wrote the word “KISS” at the top of the first page.  This would be my project and I was going to treat it as I would have any assignment of utmost importance.  

The research began and prevailed for three solid days as I poured through books, starting out at one point and bunny trailing off to another point.  I found that frustration beginning to grow again, but I kept pressing through.  I loved God and by golly…I was going to grit my teeth, bear down and get this!   Not one thing on the page after page of research and ideas seemed to hit “home” in my spirit.  Nothing seemed to be turning on the “light bulb” of revelation where you reach that point that you just KNOW, “Yes!  That’s it!” 

I sat back having exhausted my resources and myself, and just got quiet.  I forced my mind to obey and be still.  I turned off the incessant thoughts, refused to be angry or resentful over my valiant attempt to understand yet to no avail, and just surrendered to peace.  All of a sudden, it was as if I could hear God’s laughter, not like He was laughing at me in a condescending way as there is no evil in Him, but it was if He was laughing in the way we laugh when we delight in the adorable things our children do which are precious to our hearts.  I immediately heard, “Keep It Simple, Sweetheart!”

WOW! LIGHTBULB!  Looking down at my spread of papers and books and writing utensils; I realized that was the LAST thing I had done…I took something simple, and turned it into something complicated.  This was so typical of my behavior; dive right in without much forethought and give it my all!  My Father just stepped back and let me pour myself into my way of obtaining what I wanted.  

I smiled.  Then I laughed.  I really am such a silly child sometimes, but Daddy God adores me! I realized from that moment on, that we are not to give it “our all” but seek God first, seeing how He wants us to accomplish what He gives us to do.  Sometimes we are to pour all of ourselves into something, but His GRACE IS SUFFICIENT to accomplish the task and we won’t be wearied in carrying a burden too heavy to bear.  Sometimes, He truly does have a much easier way of doing things and we just need to receive our job description from Him.  We need to do this for each task, as what worked for the last one may cause total defeat in the next one.  In this, we are not in the sin of presumption and will continue to seek our Lord instead of being reliant completely on our own resources for which we could then take full credit.  In all of this, God’s ways may be difficult at times yet truly are SIMPLE.  We have an instruction manual in the Bible, and we have an interpreter and helper in the Holy Spirit who brings revelation when we ask for the spirit of wisdom and revelation to be poured out on us, (Eph. 1:17,18; 3:16-19; Col. 1:9-12).  I prayed those very powerful prayers every night before going to bed for several years.  My husband and I still do oftentimes as part of our bedtime routine.

I relate to Peter in the Bible, the fisherman who had been fishing all night and yet caught nothing.  He was weary from his effort.  I’m sure the LAST thing Peter wanted to hear was to go fish some more and from a Carpenter at that!  The Carpenter was instructing him, a professional fisherman, in the ways he could successfully catch fish.  Nevertheless, something in Peter’s heart knew truth when he heard it and he just had to surrender.  In his obedience and humbling of himself, he succeeded in catching such a haul he couldn’t bring it all in by himself!

 KISS from God:  Keep it Simple Sweetheart!

Be still and know that I am God, Psalm 46:10.

A Tribute and Testimony of the Fathers I Love

This is not how I thought I would begin this Blog, "Kisses from God", but as I am reflecting on this Father’s Day about all the wonderful fathers I know, it seemed most appropriate to begin my blogging experience with the most amazing father I know; my Father in heaven.

I am eternally grateful for the LIFE my Father has given me, even more than the life my earthly father gave me.  The most perfect gift my Father in heaven gave me was the gift of His Son, Jesus.  What a sacrifice Father made on my behalf, (and that of everyone ever on the face of the earth); He gave me His Son.  I got a very, slight glimpse of what that felt like for Him one day when my own precious son was playing the part of Jesus in a little play at our church.  He was behind a white, bed sheet with a bright light shining through so all we in the audience could see was his black silhouette.  He was hanging on a cross which he was actually tied on but we couldn’t see all the props.  I watched with surprising and mounting horror as he took his last breath and hung his head as if in death.  I was overwhelmed with the emotion of that moment.  Even though it was completely staged I still could not bear to watch any more.  Even writing this out at this moment takes me back to my emotion of grief and I am tearing up!  I am “verklempt,” which is a private joke between myself and my children as I always text them that I am verklempt from the beauty of so many moments they share of themselves and their sweet families.

So I want to give Father the glory He is due on this Father’s Day.  Thank You, my Daddy God!  I love and adore you and am so grateful for the many gifts You have given and will give me.  I am so grateful You are my eternal Father and so grateful for the many ways You continue to show me You: through Your Son, Jesus; through Your Word; through other people You place in my life; through the experiences You give; and the path You lead me.  Thank You for giving us a model to look up to…You…when we need to know how to behave, think, and speak.  Thank You for Your grace and mercy that You don’t punish me as I deserve, but do administer the correction I need to help me become more like You.  Thank You for Your holiness, and that even though I don’t carry it all out perfectly in my own living, that You consider that I am holy because of what You have done in me.  Thank You for picking me up when I fall.  Thank You for Your amazing, perfect love of which I can only partially understand through the love and adoration I have of my own children.  I could not live without You, and apart from You my efforts are totally vain.  I love You, Daddy, with all my heart, soul, strength, mind, and body.  Everything I am and have, I give to You.

Next, I would like to reflect on the father of my children.  Although we are not together as husband and wife any longer, I still would like to honor him as the father of my children.  His parenting may not have been perfect, and neither was mine.  I believe he did the very best he could do with how he was equipped at the time.  Ultimately, unless we are born again, we will not be giving our children the best gift available, which is the knowledge of the Lord.  We are to train up our children in the way they should go so when they are old they won’t depart from it.  This means we must show them God and teach them His Word.  Unfortunately, throughout our children’s childhood, their father was not saved.  He was a good man, however, and provided the best of his ability.  We can’t expect someone to give something they don’t have themselves and so teaching them about God was not going to be a possibility until he received his salvation himself and traveled down the road of learning of Him.  Our children would cry out to God in prayer, as would I, to save their father.  Well, I am most happy to report that those prayers were heard and answered!  Their father received his salvation!  What a beautiful gift to give to his children…the knowledge that their father is born again and will be with all of us forever and ever!  In his humbling of himself to receive the perfect gift of Life from his Savior, he is on a new journey which manifests itself in giving of himself.  I am seeing and hearing of lovely times he spends with his children and their families.  Our grandchildren adore their PawPaw who frequently babysits, giving them exceptional care.  I admit to being sad that our family broke, but I praise God that we are healing and learning to accept the new family as it now stands.  Family is not just created by blood and marriage.  It is formed through relationship.  Such was the case when Jesus was hanging on the cross and looked down with concern for His own mother.  He looked at His mother and said “This is your son” speaking of the man standing next to her and then looked at the “disciple He loved” and said, “This is your mother.”  When we surrender to the Lord’s will, He will place us with the family we should be a part of even if we are not initially thrilled or in agreement with the idea.  Those families and situations will be imperfect, but part of our “perfection process” will manifest in our learning to become “family.”  Thank You Lord, for giving me the path of family I shared with this man.

Next I would like to honor my own father, who has gone home to be with the Lord.  I didn’t get to truly know or understand him until I was in college.  Our family was broken also, and I was a child of an alcoholic and divorce.  I watched with admiration, however, as my father admitted to his share of the destruction he gave way to not only in his own life but that of his family.  He turned to the one and only Source which could bring deliverance from brokenness and healing to his wounds.  I watched his own journey of learning of His Savior and receiving of the mercy offered by His hand.  I watched him relate to another woman in ways enviable and which made me want that same type of loving relationship for my own life.  I watched a man who had weak moments but knew how to be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might.  I watched my father grow wise and was blessed to receive of that wisdom in my own life which I could then reciprocate to my own children.  I have forgiven him for succumbing to cancer and for not, in my opinion, fighting hard enough to stay with me.  As I write this I have to stop and battle with tears, as a fresh wave of grief over the loss of my father still has occasion to sweep over me.  Quality time with my dad was too short, and I truly wish I could physically see him and share the beautiful road I am now on currently.   There are answers to some of my questions about that loss which still bear on my soul for which I will have to wait.  There will come a time for us all when knowledge will be perfect.  For now, we know only in part.  I am grateful for the knowledge I do possess, but must trust God with my whole heart and lean not on my own understanding for the parts I will not know in this life.  Thank You, Father God, for giving me the father here on earth whom you gave me.  I am grateful for each part of my life that was impacted and affected by him, good or bad, as that helped me become who I am today.  I am grateful to know the love he held in his heart for me.

I would now like to honor my son and son-in-law.  I have been blessed beyond words with the pure joy of watching them become fathers and practice fathering.  I say practice because that’s what it truly is.  We just aren’t perfect experts with our own children as each child and circumstance requires a fresh need for wisdom.  It’s on the job training for parents and we learn as we go.  We learn through trial and error, hoping and praying for the best and then praying for God to fix our mistakes.  I observe both of these amazing young men perform some of the best parenting I have had the pleasure to witness.  It is nothing short of incredible how full my heart feels when I watch them father their own children.  They are both very masculine “men”.  I call them mighty men of valor.  They are brave and will confront what needs to be confronted.  But they are the perfect blend of affectionate as well.  I remember the pediatrician’s words as my son-in-law expressed his concern over how many kisses he gave his first-born child; as it was breaking his baby’s skin out with a bit of a rash.  She told him it would hurt his baby much more if he withheld those kisses!  I love watching how both fathers, oftentimes, lavish their precious babies and children with near smothering kisses.  Those babies squeal with delight over their daddy’s kisses and joy absolutely radiates on their sweet faces.  Those children are secure in their father’s love and adoration for them.  I commend my son and son-in-law for not caring what society thinks or the latest baby book!  They do what’s right for their children and it shows in the contentment and happiness which lights up their children’s countenance.   I love watching that both young men understand that being a provider does not just mean bringing home a paycheck.  They understand that they are likewise to provide a spiritual covering, that they are to provide wisdom which comes from above which they receive from their Father in heaven, that they are to provide emotional security for their families, that they are to provide help to their wives so their wives are not overcome with burden from having to carry loads they were never meant to carry.  I love both of these men.  I look upon them with great pride and gratitude for the care and blessings they bring to their children, (and all of us who are blessed to be in meaningful relationship with them.)  Thank You, Father, for blessing me on a continual basis through these two men.  I learn what I consider “gold” from them!

 

Finally, I would like to give honor to the man I have observed the least in his parenting, but for whom God has opened the eyes of my heart to quickly know him intimately.  This is the beautiful human being I am so very blessed to have married.  God has peeled back the curtain which could hide anything about his heart and I feel like it is open and exposed very tenderly and trustingly to me, as his wife.  I am blessed to watch a man who deeply loves the Lord, seeking Him with his whole heart, truly wanting to follow hard after Him in trusting obedience.  He understands the most important gift he can give his sons is to know God.  He understands how important his covering of prayer is over them.  He knows his authority and weapons to use in the Lord to fight for his family.  He fully understands that his family is a true gift from God and he treasures that gift.  I am grateful to get to observe his parenting with a firm but gentle hand, demonstrating endless patience for which I am in awe.  I listen with tears, (yes he makes me verklempt as well), as he tells with animation of the days while changing his babies’ diapers, and he would confess scripture over them, singing to them, dedicating them wholly unto the Lord.  I am watching those prayers and Godly confessions manifest in his sons’ lives.  They are amazing young men; fruit of a father’s bended knee and time in a secret prayer closet.  I see the ache in his heart as he watches them growing into the process of leaving him.    I see the tears he sheds in pure worship of his God, knowing that this well spent time makes him likewise in the ranks of mighty men of valor.  He indeed is a strong MAN, worthy of my respect. I learn much from him and cherish our days together which will be forever.  I adore this man, the love of my life, my Godly husband, who is the closest “Jesus incarnate” here on earth which I get to experience on a daily basis.  I give blessed thanks to my Lord who was perfect in His road which led me to this man, my love, my Kurt.

 

This Father’s Day has been one of shedding tears; tears of joy over the gifts given from wonderful fathers, tears of grief over what was lost in losing fathers in my life, and tears of gratitude for the wonderful fathers I still get to have in my life.

To close, I would like to share this video I came across today as I searched YouTube for a Father’s Day video.  It says all we need to say about our dear fathers who are created in the very image of God.  We see God in their eyes.